You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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