It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
