I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
