just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
