Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
