glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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