She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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