i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
