Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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