woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
