you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
