I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
