if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
