we have pet lesbian snakes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
