i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
