At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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