She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
