Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
