hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize