Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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