you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
