You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
