Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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