either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize