i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
