I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
