I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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