Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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