Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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