This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
