When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
