I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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