i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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