If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
