it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
