HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
