i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
