that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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