So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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