I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
