I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
