Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
