Jerry, you need to find god
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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