never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
