you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
