he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
