Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
