I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You ruined the universe
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
