Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
