Your mouth is God's brothel.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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