i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
