not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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