Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
