im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
