Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
