You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
