My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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