hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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