So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
