dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
