The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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