The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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