last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
