I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
