y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
