I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
