Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
