Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
