I want to have your abortion
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
