STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
