Who wears a wallet chain?!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
