the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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