I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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