JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
