You work out of a Hotel?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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