i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
