I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it because I queefed?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
