In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
