the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
