I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
