I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
